Zaire Healy
Hospital, Groningen, Nederland
11:00 A.M., Wednesday
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I actually feel a lot better than before. Yeah, I got balled, thanks to that damn chemo therapy. I hated it. Made me nauseous and I no longer had any pink hair. It sucked. My mother went back to China, so it’s just me and my dad. He seems so depressed lately. I wish I could do something to make him smile, but I think the whole me having cancer, really got to him.
“Goeie morgen onze vechter. (Good Morning our fighter.)” Said my doctor. It made me giggle and my dad gave him a small smile.
“Morning.” I replied.
“So we’re speaking English today?”
“Yeah, I miss it.”
“Oh well alright.” He said and smiled. There was something in that smile. Something good and it had me feeling good inside. I mentally crossed my fingers. “So we’ve gone through your recent MRI scan, and it seems as if we’ve been able to control the cancer abit. If it continues to get better, than I can dismiss you for about 3 weeks to a month. But first we need to monitor it for the next two months. ” He said and I squealed. My father began to cry happy tears. It made me want to cry, but I didn’t.
“So, in April I can go home?” I asked and he nodded his head indicating yes.
“Daddy, pass me yuh phone.” I said, my sint-maarten accent thick.
He gave it to me and I immediately called Nicki. It’s funny that he still has her number in his phone. That’s the fun about parents that don’t know much about technology. I mentally counted back 6 hours to Sint Maarten time then 3 hours back to Los Angeles. It was now 2 A.M. I giggled to myself. I always seemed to call when it was really early in the morning. The phone rang about 6 times before Nicki answered.
“H-Hello?” She answered out of breath.
“Hi.” I replied abit confused. What the hell was she doing at 2 in the morning?
“Zaire?” she whispered.
“Yuhp, that’s me.” I replied and I heard a bunch of rustling before she answered me.
“What’s up babygirl, how are you?”
“Well I feel a lot better. The doctor said they were able to get the cancer under control. If it keeps getting better, than I can go home in April for 3 weeks or even a month.” I squealed and I heard her squeal along.
“That’s great babygirl.”
“Yeah, so uhm I know this is abit weird, but uhm…. Can I speak to my girlfriend?”
“Well, you could but she’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake her up for her to start getting all cranky on me.”
“Oh, have you ever tried to sing her awake?”
“No, never thought of it.”
“Well, that’s the only easy way to wake her up.”
“Oh okay.”
“So, uhmm… put me on speaker please.”
“Okay, hold on.”
There was some rustling again. I heard Nicki open and close a door. Then again after a few moments.
“Okay, shoot. Am going to leave my phone with her, so take your time.”
“Aight, sorry for waking you.”
“Don’t be, your call is always important to us.” She replied and I giggled. I then began singing.
“Written in these walls are the stories that I can’t explain. I leave my heart open, but stays right here empty for days. She told me in the morning she don’t feel same about us in her bones. Seems to me when I die, these words will be written on my stone. And I’ll be gone gone tonight; the ground beneath my feet is open wide. The way that I’ve been holding on too tight, with no-“
“I can hear you.” I heard her mumble and I could tell she was smiling.
“Haha, I know. Hi baby.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Well, I think I can come see you in April, well hopefully.”
“Oh really. That’s great. I miss you too much.” She replied and I heard her sniffle.
“I know baby, I know. It’s killing me as well.”
“Why did you leave? What’s wrong?” She asked me and sniffled. I looked at the phone confused. I told her. Well emailed her about this. How could she not know?
“Babe, I told you why already. I emailed you. The same email where I said I felt the same way you felt about me.”
“I never read such thing.” She replied.
“But that’s strange, I sent you an email. And you always reply to my emails. Coming to think of it, you never replied to that one.” I said and gasped.
“That’s because I didn’t read such an email.” She replied abit frustrated.
“So she doesn’t even know I have cancer?” I mumbled my thought out loud without realizing it.
“What did you say?” She asked.
“Baby.. I-“ I started but the line went dead. I looked at the phone confused and realized I pressed the end button. I was scared; I didn’t want to have to tell her. It would break her. That’s when it happened. I cried my eyes out. I was pissed, pissed because I was scared to tell my best friend who’s now my girlfriend what I emailed her. I just wished I could hold her right now and just cuddle. I miss her. All of her. And I know she was dying inside without me. Why did life need to be this way?
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